Jeff Foxworthy Quotes

The more excited the rooster gets, the higher his voice goes. He's got a little bit of a Barney Fife quality to him... view

By: Jeff Foxworthy

If your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home, you might be a redneck... view

By: Jeff Foxworthy

If your working television sits on top of your non-working television, you might be a redneck... view

By: Jeff Foxworthy

It's a weird sensation to be mad and learning at the same time... view

By: Jeff Foxworthy

It's hard to think of yourself as a loser at 2 years old... view

By: Jeff Foxworthy

Little girls love dolls. They just don't love doll clothes. We've got four thousand dolls and ain't one of them got a stitch of clothes on... view

By: Jeff Foxworthy

My father-in-law gets up at 5 o'clock in the morning and watches the Discovery Channel. I don't know why there's this big rush to do this... view

By: Jeff Foxworthy

My wife is so analytical with raising kids, and I am not. My feeling is if they turn out good, then that means I was a good daddy and put a lot of effort into it. If they turn out bad, it means they took after her side of the family... view

By: Jeff Foxworthy

Nothing in life prepares you to be famous... view

By: Jeff Foxworthy

Now, it's true I married my wife for her looks... but not the ones she's been givin' me lately... view

By: Jeff Foxworthy

People would say, Can we develop a sitcom around you? and I would say, Not interested. I'm very happy doing standup and writing and taking my kids to school... view

By: Jeff Foxworthy

Pride is the first step in people unraveling and companies unraveling and relationships unraveling... view

By: Jeff Foxworthy

If you've ever made change in the offering plate, you might be a redneck... view

By: Jeff Foxworthy

The designated driver program, it's not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it, drop them off at the wrong house... view

By: Jeff Foxworthy

The stuff that made me mad 20 years ago doesn't really make me mad any more... view

By: Jeff Foxworthy

There's no down time any more... view

By: Jeff Foxworthy

What I hated was doing what somebody in LA thought Jeff Foxworthy ought to do... view

By: Jeff Foxworthy

When you get to your third millionth frequent flyer mile, I think something snaps in your brain... view

By: Jeff Foxworthy

You may be a redneck if... you have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education... view

By: Jeff Foxworthy

You may be a redneck if... your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand... view

By: Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if... the blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it... view

By: Jeff Foxworthy

You moon the wrong person at an office party and suddenly you're not 'professional' any more... view

By: Jeff Foxworthy

That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring... view

By: Jeff Foxworthy

I had to perform at the White House for the president, That's always kind of a weird set to try to put together... view

By: Jeff Foxworthy

Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door... view

By: Jeff Foxworthy

Being a comedian, people tell me stuff they shouldn't tell their therapist... view

By: Jeff Foxworthy

Between New York and LA, there's 200 million people that aren't hip, and they don't want to be hip... view

By: Jeff Foxworthy

Changing a diaper is a lot like getting a present from your grandmother - you're not sure what you've got but you're pretty sure you're not going to like it... view

By: Jeff Foxworthy

Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt?.. view

By: Jeff Foxworthy

Find something in life that you love doing. If you make a lot of money, that's a bonus, and if you don't, you still won't hate going to work... view

By: Jeff Foxworthy

For the first time ever I was taking the family on the road. We stayed with my in-laws, which on life's list of experiences ranks right below sitting in a tub full of scissors... view

By: Jeff Foxworthy

If you own a home with wheels on it and several cars without, you just might be a redneck... view

By: Jeff Foxworthy

Have you ever seen people so ugly that you have to get someone else to verify it?.. view

By: Jeff Foxworthy

I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did... view

By: Jeff Foxworthy

I know God is real... view

By: Jeff Foxworthy

I used to say that whenever people heard my Southern accent, they always wanted to deduct 100 IQ points... view

By: Jeff Foxworthy

If you have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Kool Whip on the side, you might be a redneck... view

By: Jeff Foxworthy

If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.'.. view

By: Jeff Foxworthy

I've been to all 50 states, and traveled this whole country, and 90 percent of the people are good folks. The rest of them take after the other side of the family... view

By: Jeff Foxworthy

I know if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy... view

By: Jeff Foxworthy

I turned down a movie this summer because it was nine weeks in Vancouver and my oldest daughter is 14. I've got four more summers with her. I'm not giving away nine weeks of her summer to go do a silly movie... view

By: Jeff Foxworthy

I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because I'd spent about half the day in the woods... view

By: Jeff Foxworthy