Joe E. Lewis Quotes

I always wake up at the crack of ice... view

By: Joe E. Lewis

I would take a bomb, but I can't stand the noise... view

By: Joe E. Lewis

I don't drink any more than the man next to me, and the man next to me is Dean Martin... view

By: Joe E. Lewis

Show me a man with very little money and I will show you a bum... view

By: Joe E. Lewis

Show me a man with both feet on the ground and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants on... view

By: Joe E. Lewis

Show me a friend in need and I'll show you a pest... view

By: Joe E. Lewis

It pays to get drunk with the best people... view

By: Joe E. Lewis

It doesn't matter whether you are rich or poor - as long as you've got money... view

By: Joe E. Lewis

If you want to make a dangerous man your friend, let him do you a favor... view

By: Joe E. Lewis

There's only one thing money won't buy, and that is poverty... view

By: Joe E. Lewis

I'm still chasing girls. I don't remember what for, but I'm still chasing them... view

By: Joe E. Lewis

They had me on the operating table all day. They looked into my stomach, my gall bladder, they examined everything inside of me. Know what they decided? I need glasses... view

By: Joe E. Lewis

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster... view

By: Joe E. Lewis

I play in the low 80s. If it's any hotter than that, I won't play... view

By: Joe E. Lewis

I drink to forget I drink... view

By: Joe E. Lewis

I don't like money actually, but it quiets the nerves... view

By: Joe E. Lewis

I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink... view

By: Joe E. Lewis

Adlai Stevenson has a genius for saying the right thing, at the right time, to the wrong people... view

By: Joe E. Lewis

A man is never drunk if he can lay on the floor without holding on... view

By: Joe E. Lewis

I've been on such a losing streak that if I had been around I would have taken General Custer and given points... view

By: Joe E. Lewis

We can afford almost any mistake once... view

By: Joe E. Lewis

Whenever someone asks me if I want water with my Scotch, I say I'm thirsty, not dirty... view

By: Joe E. Lewis

You are only young once, and if you work it right, once is enough... view

By: Joe E. Lewis

You only live once - but if you work it right, once is enough... view

By: Joe E. Lewis

The way taxes are, you might as well marry for love... view

By: Joe E. Lewis