Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself... view

By: Mark Twain

Prosperity is the best protector of principle... view

By: Mark Twain

Prophesy is a good line of business, but it is full of risks... view

By: Mark Twain

The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year... view

By: Mark Twain

Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it... view

By: Mark Twain

The more you explain it, the more I don't understand it... view

By: Mark Twain

Only kings, presidents, editors, and people with tapeworms have the right to use the editorial "we.".. view

By: Mark Twain

Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed... view

By: Mark Twain

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not... view

By: Mark Twain

There are basically two types of people. People who accomplish things, and people who claim to have accomplished things. The first group is less crowded... view

By: Mark Twain

The wit knows that his place is at the tail of a procession... view

By: Mark Twain

The very ink with which history is written is merely fluid prejudice... view

By: Mark Twain

The trouble ain't that there is too many fools, but that the lightning ain't distributed right... view

By: Mark Twain

The secret source of humor is not joy but sorrow.. view

By: Mark Twain

The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane... view

By: Mark Twain

The right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause... view

By: Mark Twain

The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated... view

By: Mark Twain

The man who is a pessimist before 48 knows too much.. view

By: Mark Twain

The Public is merely a multiplied "me.".. view

By: Mark Twain

The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter... view

By: Mark Twain

The most interesting information comes from children, for they tell all they know and then stop... view

By: Mark Twain

Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet... view

By: Mark Twain

The more things are forbidden, the more popular they become... view

By: Mark Twain

One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives... view

By: Mark Twain

The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them... view

By: Mark Twain

The main difference between a cat and a lie is that a cat only has nine lives... view

By: Mark Twain

The lack of money is the root of all evil... view

By: Mark Twain

The human race is a race of cowards.. view

By: Mark Twain

The public is the only critic whose opinion is worth anything at all... view

By: Mark Twain

It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either of them... view

By: Mark Twain

Laws control the lesser man... Right conduct controls the greater one... view

By: Mark Twain

Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see... view

By: Mark Twain

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog... view

By: Mark Twain

It's no wonder that truth is stranger than fiction. Fiction has to make sense... view

By: Mark Twain

It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling... view

By: Mark Twain

It was wonderful to find America, but it would have been more wonderful to miss it... view

By: Mark Twain

Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat... view

By: Mark Twain

It is not best that we should all think alike.. view

By: Mark Twain

Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about... view

By: Mark Twain

Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry... view

By: Mark Twain

It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare... view

By: Mark Twain

It usually takes me more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech... view

By: Mark Twain