I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.

Substitute "damn" every time you're inclined to write "very"

By : Mark Twain

When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.

By : Mark Twain

When a person cannot deceive himself the chances are against his being able to deceive other people.

By : Mark Twain

Water, taken in moderation, cannot hurt anybody.

By : Mark Twain

When people do not respect us we are sharply offended

By : Mark Twain

Thousands of geniuses live and die undiscovered - either by themselves or by others.

By : Mark Twain

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

By : Mark Twain

I don't give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way.

By : Mark Twain

There are times when one would like to hang the whole human race, and finish the farce.

By : Mark Twain

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.

By : Mark Twain

Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities

By : Mark Twain

Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.

By : Mark Twain