We all have days where we can't pronounce things or give it the emotion it deserves.

This autocue was obviously written for someone else and I've been brought in at the last minute... view

By: Johnny Vegas

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When I wasn't as attractive as I am now, I suffered at the hands of cruel children and their taunts until I realised that confidence and a bit of aesthetic care can overcome that... view

By: Johnny Vegas

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I've got too much respect for stand-ups to call myself one... view

By: Johnny Vegas

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They look outside the windows of their apartment in town and realize they're not living in a terrace anymore. This is a room full of dreamers who like to go to London for a day... view

By: Johnny Vegas

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Baldness is visually enough of a stigma as it is without a big sweaty bloke on stage pointing it out... view

By: Johnny Vegas

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You can't be a proper comic unless you've been out on stage and felt the fear... view

By: Johnny Vegas

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It is easy for me to love myself, but for ladies to do it is another question altogether... view

By: Johnny Vegas

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With stand-up you've just got that one chance. Audiences can be quite fickle... view

By: Johnny Vegas

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There's this idea that it has to be made in London. But we've got everything up here, and if you've got comics who are gifted because of where they're from, you shouldn't drag them away from that natural resource... view

By: Johnny Vegas

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I actually enjoy being heckled.. view

By: Johnny Vegas

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There's lots of stuff about me being a fan of Cliff but not being gay. Which suggests that he is, but he's not. Anyway, this is Channel 4, let their lawyers sort it out... view

By: Johnny Vegas

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